January 7, 2009
How Long The Night Was
The clouds today coming back from my first class of the second semester seemed to be fighting. One was big; ominous and black, the other majestic; white and pure. It just really made me want to paint. I was saddened to know that, once again, I did not have my camera with me, so I had to take a picture with my eyes.
But my first class was pretty good. Me and Susannah sit next to each other, and that’s super special awesome! Though, Velatini said that we would be doing A LOT of trig, so I’m thinking I should have taken Trig before Pre-Calc. OH GOD! But, hopefully I’ll understand it enough to do good.
I have only one more class today, and that is at 1:25(Psychology). It’s located at the top of a stupid, steep hill, but the building is really nice, so I guess it’s okay. And it’s only on Mondays and Wednesdays, so yeah. I had to change my Piano class, and I wanted to get Wellness, but they were still all full, so I got intro to Criminal Justice instead. That way, with 5 interesting classes, I can see which I like and am interested in and see if I need to change my major…again.
I have no idea what direction I want to take in my life. If Criminal Justice is awesome, I think I might just go back to it. But I need to see if I can even handle it first. :D But, we’ll see. I’ll keep you updated on how my life goes, and we’ll see what path I recklessly take.
January 5, 2009
I Said Hey…What’s Going On?
So, as I sit on my dorm bed, eating pretzels and listening to music, I am terrified that I already hate it here. It seems that the girls on my hall have gotten louder over the month long break, and it’s going to drive me insane. And quite soon, too. I had to use the potty(number 2), and when I went in there, like….5 girls were in there dying someone’s hair. I can’t use the bathroom when there’s that many people around me, so I had a mini anxiety attack and then remembered that there was a single bathroom downstairs for the guys to use. So, I had to go down there just to use the bathroom in any sort of peace.
And Christy is trying to sleep, and she told me that there are people jumping up and down in the room above them. Jesus Christ. What is wrong with these people? Gah…I hate it here so much already. I’m just glad that Dana is coming tomorrow so I’ll have a night here to myself before she comes and NEVER LEAVES THE ROOM EVER AGAIN!! …..This semester is going to make me go insane; I can feel it.
Next year, I hope mom and grandpa will let me and Christy live in the apartments on campus. That way, we each get our separate bedrooms and that way I can actually get some alone time. But I guess that all depends on how much the rent is a month or whatever.
Sigh….well, it’s only 10:15, but for some reason I’m exhausted. I guess I’ll try and go to bed…though with those whores making ALL THE NOISE IN THE WORLD I don’t know if I’ll be able to. I guess I’ll just put my headphones on and blast music into my ears to a) let me fall asleep, and b) go deaf so I don’t have to hear them again.
Toodles!
Why Won’t You Come Over Here
So Lydia came over yesterday. We were waiting to play Silent Hill: Homecoming, but the Falcons game was on, so to bide our boredom, we went to Wal-Mart. I needed a notebook and she wanted to look for another game, so that was fun. She didn’t buy anything in the end, but she pre-ordered F.E.A.R. 2 at Gamestop, so that’s cool, yo.
We got back and played SH, and it was pretty creepy. She was playing on our hard drive, so she’ll have to start over when she gets her X-Box back. At Wal-Mart, we ran into Jakob, JoAnna’s ex. That was awkward. But oh well. He was the only person I recognized there, so that kind of sucked. I was hoping to see someone else I knew, but nope. Oh well.
I have to go back to school tomorrow. I’m not really ready for that. Yet, I am. I’m excited about this semester, and I’m ready to prove to everyone that I am smart and that I will get A’s in all my classes. That’s my main goal for this year. ALL A’s! I’ll settle for a B, but I won’t be aiming for it. I’m taking a lot of hard classes this time, but I’m sure that as long as I keep at it, I’ll be fine. :D
Dennis almost died last night. He was riding with his two friends on the way back from Chicago; he was sleeping in the back, his friends up in the front. Some other car got off the highway ramp wrong and hit the back of the car and spun them out cause it was raining and wet. Dennis was the only one that got hurt, cause he was in the back. The impact broke his glasses and he hurt his spine and one of his legs pretty badly. Last tournament he went to, they got in a wreck and he messed his arm up pretty bad. So he might not be coming down to Georgia in March for that tournament, and I really don’t blame him. I told him to not die, and he said he wouldn’t. I’m still worried about him…he needs to go see someone or something. I dunno.
My Spring Break is March 16-20. And Peter and Gabe’s is the week before mine. So that makes me sad. :( GAYNESS! Oh well, I can hang out with them on their last Saturday and my first Saturday, since we’ll both be home.
Well, going to go watch some CKY and then go to bed. I don’t wanna go back to schooooooooooooool.
January 2, 2009
But You’re Just A Boy
Why is it that when I need someone to talk to, no one is around? Yet, I’m ALWAYS there for everyone else. ALWAYS. No matter what. I forget what I’m doing and rush to their side. Yet, I guess I’m destined to have to bear my own burdens alone, forever. Without anyone to share a single thought with.
It’s killing me. I could talk to Dennis, but every time I call he’s either busy or just doesn’t seem to care. I could talk to mom, but she has enough to worry about. Or maybe I’m just scared to let others know when I need them. Peter called as I was typing this, saying he wanted to talk, so I thought something happened, so I asked if he was okay. He said yes, are you. I said I was, not telling him how I was really feeling.
Maybe I just need someone to hear me say, ‘Yes, I’m fine,” and know that I’m lying. To just know that I need a hug that lasts for about a minute. I know someone like that, but I don’t know when I’ll see that person ever again. Christy is kind of like that, except she’s weird about the whole physical contact thing. But she seems to know when I’m lying or when I’m down. I miss her. But I’ll see her in a few days, so that’s comforting.
I need a man hug. Not like a dad hug or a brother hug. But a man hug. Man hugs are like…the best cure for sadness. Or anger for that matter. I just need to find a man, lol. I got a hug from Dewey, but he’s a boy. It’s just not the same.
Anyways…yes. I think I just need to sleep. I’m pretty tired.
Goodnight.
I Wish I Was A Neutron Bomb…
Well, I did not get a chance to write on here yesterday, as I was busy hanging out with Peter and doing the second season of America’s Next Top Model, lol. It was fun. I won! WOOT! I might put pics up later on here. But that was the first day of this 2009, and it was pretty swell. I watched some NANA, hung out with Peter, and watched Equilibrium. Pretty good day, I do say. And if they say that what you do on the first day of a new year will be what you do the most, then that’s a-okay with me!
Lydia is coming over tomorrow around 6. But Dewey and Johnny are going to be right up the road, so I’m trying to go and see them before Liddy comes over. She won’t want to go see them; they don’t know each other well. But i hope I can find a way to do both. I was also thinking of inviting Dickson and Lisa over tomorrow. I already asked Sonny, but I highly doubt he’ll be able to make it till later in January.
It’s so weird, it doesn’t feel like January. Or a new year, for that matter. I can’t believe how quickly everything is going by. I’m going to get dizzy trying to keep up with time.
I just got back from my grandparents’. I had to get some more money for my books next semester from my college fund. It didn’t go as badly as I thought it would have, so that’s always good. I am only taking Five classes, but I’ll need Seven books, totaling around Five Hundred and Fifty bucks. That’s pretty insane, huh? But I got the money and well wishes for a good semester.
I go back Monday. That’s like Three days away. As ready as I am to get back into an actual schedule and routine, I don’t want to leave home again. I won’t be coming home as often as last semester, I don’t think. I’m not coming home till MLK weekend, so that’s like three weeks away. :( Not looking forward to that. Hopefully my roommate will go home more often or make friends and get out of our room. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it for another semester if she doesn’t. I need some alone time, yo. I’m going to cry again when my mom leaves me up there. I can handle the school and the distance, but just SEEING her leave me…it tears both of us up. But maybe we’ll both be a little stronger this time around. :D
Well, I guess that’s it for today/yesterday. I’ll try to post tomorrow at some point of my life.
Toodles! <3
December 31, 2008
My Wish On A Falling Dream
As I sit here listening to my iPod, I think back on the year and the good times it brought me. This was a year of growing up and important questions being answered and feelings brought to light. It was also a year of many tears and many heartaches. New friends have been made and others lost. Many tears were shed by me this year, though not all of them sad.
While I was getting my hair cut today (this has nothing to do with the above paragraph), and the hairstylist was talking to me, I realized that people open up to the ones cutting their hair. That’s pretty much a big part of their job; conversing with the customers. It seemed to me that we all long for someone to take an interest in us, whether real or not, so we willingly spill most of our lives story to this person with scissors. Usually I am a very reserved person, but I shared a lot with this man, cause he seemed to care and want to know. I don’t know…it was just a weird realization for me. But my hair is cute, so that’s always good. :D
This year, I have also learned how much music really means to me. I use it in everything, though I may not realize it when it occurs. But now that I have this iPod, I can take the songs that make my life complete with me where ever I go, and I’m super stoked about that. I can’t function without music, and I can’t see how others can do anything when it’s not around.
Well, time is flying because I have no sense of it with my headphones on, so I’m going to depart from these electronic confessions from the confines of my mind. I think I’m going to be trying to write a story/book/fanfic soon, so maybe I’ll post it on here, though no one seems to be reading these, lol. :D
I wish all of you a wonderful New Year! May it be bright! Now, I must bid you all farewell as I hastily depart.
Toodles!
December 30, 2008
The Thoughts From My Mind…
It’s hard to believe that this year is almost done. I can’t really remember most of the events that took place this year, and that makes me really sad. I need to learn to scrapbook or just take pictures during the really important events and write down more stuff. I don’t want to forget anything or anyone. Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, and I can really only remember the last half of the year. High school seems like such a distant memory to me, but it only ended 6 months ago. At college, each day seems like a week, so maybe that’s why my memory is so muddled. Time just goes by soooo slow; but not when we don’t want it to.
When you’re talking to a loved one, time seems to move in fast motion, never slowing. You start talking at 5, and what feels like half an hour was really 3 whole hours. That’s always how it is when me and Sonny talk in his car. I never want time to go, yet it flies by. But I remember those times better than the sluggish times. You think it would be the other way around, but it never is. At least, not for me.
Peter is over here. I’m glad that I met him back in the olden days of my youth. He’s probably one of the best, most consistent friends I’ll ever meet. I’m going to miss him when he goes off to UGA, but hopefully he’ll transfer to my school so we can be together more. But, I don’t think he would be happy there. UGA is a wonderful school, and he deserves the best. NGCSU is a starter-college. You go for a year or two, but after that, no. I really don’t see myself graduating from that place. It’s not high enough for me, I don’t think. I’m probably going to transfer to Kennesaw after this next school year. But, I’ll be leaving a lot of people at NG. But Kennesaw is where I wanted to go. Plus, a degree there is more weighted than at NG, I’m sure.
My thoughts grow l0ng and my wrists tired. I must retire now and play Risk with the family. I shall think these morose thoughts at another time. For the present, fun times with friends and family shall be had.
Fare thee well, oh readers!
December 29, 2008
And I’ll Be There For You, As The World Falls Down…
Well, another Holiday has come and gone and now we wait patiently for this year to take a bow and to welcome the new year. Some with anxious applause and others with scowls and glares. I find myself in the middle of these two crowds, neither super excited nor super annoyed by the coming of yet another year. What with the bad economy and all the corrupt crap going on around the world, but there is also good things to hope for. Hope for better times, more times with friends and family, and just more self-realization. I’ve learned a lot about myself over this year, and I hope to discover more so that I will one day know what I want to do with my life. I’ve already changed my majors three times in one semester, and I think I’m going to change it again. But to what, I really don’t know. I do not want to be a teacher anymore, that much is certain. But do I want to stay in math, or go back to Criminal Justice? Or what?
Also, my current location may not stay the same for long. I long to transfer to Kennesaw, the school where I should’ve always been. I don’t know why I let myself get talked out of the one school I wanted to go to so badly. But, I’m pretty sure the move is unevitable, I just don’t know when it will occur.
On a lighter note, my Christmas was pretty good. I got an iPod shuffle(hot pink), and it’s pretty freaking amazing. I also got some cute socks and candy and books and Rose got Animal Crossing City Folk for the Wii, so we all play that and have fun with it. :D I bought myself, after Christmas, of course, Professor Layton and the Curious Village, cause I so want to play it. I asked the guy at Wal-Mart where it was, cause I didn’t see it, and he said, “I’ve never heard of that game in my life.” I just said oh and continued to look, and then when I look up at the monitor, they’re advertising that game. I was kinda aggravated that he didn’t know that the place he worked at was advertising it, but we went to Target and I found it there. :D
New Year’s Resolutions: Lose Weight, Stop spending so much, Stop cussing as much, Save up for a good phone, Make good grades, Don’t get distracted by Ping Pong, Be able to take my mom out to Red Lobster on her birthday. Yup, that’s pretty much it.
Toodles! <3
